It is almost exactly 365 days since I last put fingers to keyboard in an attempt to blog. The more I learn about myself, the more I realize that blogging is, for me, an essentially selfish act in which I chronicle thoughts I would not normally share in an attempt to remove them from my mind. A glorified type of journal, if you will. I’ve always found old-fashioned journals to be rather pointless: Why would I write down my thoughts if only I will ever read them? Do I really need to remind myself of the thoughts that simply won’t go away? It’s a redundant form of excising my thoughts, which is where a hypothetical audience comes in. If I frame this record in terms of an imaginary audience, I can justify lancing the abscess of my thoughts in an uncomfortably public medium.
However, as I’ve contemplated posting on my previous blog, I came to the realization that it no longer accurately represented where I am at now. After all, I first started that record in 2008, at the cusp of a rather dark time. Teenage turmoil is deserving of expression and respect, but I’ve come to realize that while I still live in a state of turmoil, it is of a more mature nature. I do not feel like my current struggles should be juxtaposed with my previous ones, and for that reason I have elected to move this fresh start to a new home on the internet.
Now that we’ve placed that explanation, I’d like to introduce myself (or reacquaint myself with previous followers). My name is Sarabeth, and I’m a 21-year-old autodidactic polymath. I’m currently in university, studying music composition to eventually enter a field relating to acoustical architecture or AV design. If there is a hard way to do something, chances are I will find it and then do it because I have a trick of making things unnecessarily difficult for myself. I was home-schooled in high school, and I’m still in the process of figuring out what things I learned, be it from my immediate family or from the community, are worthy of believing, and what things are truly harmful and should be ignored. Truth is very important to me, and as a result, I’ve also pursued a great-books program instead of the normal general education requirements. If you think I’m a hipster and pretentious because of this, that’s probably correct. My only defense is that I am extremely concerned with what it means to be human, and how to be good at being human. I figure I have a better chance of succeeding if I read the thoughts of people who have forgotten more philosophy than I’ve learned, than of finding it in the shallow, narcissistic society of my country. In addition to the Bachelor of Music I’m working on and the honors program, I also work as a TA for one of my professors and an audio technician. I can sleep when I’m dead.
In terms of personal life, I have a wonderful significant other who challenges me and supports me daily, even when I’m difficult. My family and my heart is in Seattle, as is my cat. I’ve traveled to Australia, Southeast Asia, and as of this last January, Rome. I’ll likely blog about Rome once I get my feet under me. I play violin and I’m beginning to re-explore my love of writing. I’m still in the process of figuring out who I am, really. All I know for certain is that I have occasionally felt a peace that overwhelms my ability to understand, and I am in desperate pursuit of that peace. I love peace, I love respect, I love wisdom, and I love the company of good friends, good tea, good conversations, and good music. Also, a cat.
If you feel inclined, please join me in this ramble. I’m trying to find my blind spots and my prejudices, and I don’t always succeed. But if you’ll bear with me, I’ll keep writing.